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Robotic "Tongue" Lets You French Kiss Over The Internet

samzenpus posted more than 3 years ago | from the how-about-a-nice-game-of-chess? dept.

Robotics 136

If you think the idea of french kissing someone over the internet with a robotic tongue is kind of gross, go outside and enjoy your afternoon. For those of you still sitting here, The University of Electro-Communications in Tokyo has just what you've been looking for. The Kiss Transmission Device is a motion-sensing receptacle that records your tongue's movements and then sends that information to a corresponding machine in your partner's mouth. From the article: "In addition to real-time smooching, the Kiss Transmission Device can be programmed to 'remember' specific rotations. The pre-recorded information can then be accessed by multiple recipients. According to the inventor, this could be a good way for celebrities to get closer to their fans." The University gave no word on the possibility of tentacles in future models.

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WOW (5, Funny)

Mr_Congeniality (878687) | more than 3 years ago | (#36012514)

This is epic...in an extremely awkward and creepy way. It's nice to know that I could always have Courtney Love make out with me without catching the herp.

Re:WOW (3, Funny)

stanlyb (1839382) | more than 3 years ago | (#36012596)

Finally you could kiss a boy or girl...or something between without even knowing what you do kiss. Let me OUT. And just for the record, is GOOGLE going to record this data too? Just asking......

Re:WOW (2)

Moryath (553296) | more than 3 years ago | (#36012802)

Sorry, but this isn't an invention.

It's already been done [sinulate.com] .

Bad summary (2)

spun (1352) | more than 3 years ago | (#36013732)

This device does not simulate any sort of kiss. It is a straw. You stick it in your mouth. You twirl the straw around with your mouth. Somewhere else, someone else sticks a straw in their mouth, and, OH MY GOD, their straw twirls around in the exact same fashion you just twirled your straw. Wow.

Re:Bad summary (1)

Sir_Eptishous (873977) | more than 3 years ago | (#36013836)

Is that a straw in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Re:Bad summary (1)

somersault (912633) | more than 3 years ago | (#36013912)

Yeah, don't think this guy has actually kissed a girl yet!

As a bonus, the YouTube ads I got were for home STD testing kits. When they make a real kissing sim, those ads will start to become irrelevant!

Re:Bad summary (1)

Moryath (553296) | more than 3 years ago | (#36013992)

Eh. In a couple years we'll all be having Demolition man style virtual sex [youtube.com] anyways :P

Re:Bad summary (1)

GameboyRMH (1153867) | more than 3 years ago | (#36015524)

A teleoperated mouth dildo.

Re:WOW (3, Funny)

g0bshiTe (596213) | more than 3 years ago | (#36013068)

HAAHAHA, if only I had mod points.

|op>()r: d00d I totally made out wif dis hot chiX0r in chan last night.
frud: orly got a pic?
|op>()r: nah, her chan name is hotazHe||
frud: hahaha zomfg
nickserv: hotazHe|| has just joined
|op>()r: what's so funny?
frud: you made out with a d00d you t00l
|op>()r: no way
nickserv: hotazHe|| is now known as Greg
|op>()r: * runs to take a shower

Re:WOW (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#36015584)

Greg: You can totally tickle the prostate with that robo-tongue!

Re:WOW (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#36013310)

kiss roulette?

Re:WOW (1)

mr1911 (1942298) | more than 3 years ago | (#36012632)

I don't think this thing guarantees you wouldn't catch the herp from a remote kiss with Courtney Love.

Re:WOW (1)

Hognoxious (631665) | more than 3 years ago | (#36012636)

Imagine a delayed redirect to goatse.

Re:WOW (1)

tsalmark (1265778) | more than 3 years ago | (#36012668)

NO.

Re:WOW (1)

bemymonkey (1244086) | more than 3 years ago | (#36013252)

Imagine sticking your tongue in her nostril because of lag...

Re:WOW (1)

obergfellja (947995) | more than 3 years ago | (#36013386)

what is next? Cyber Sex (reference: Total Recall)

Re:WOW (1)

Dogtanian (588974) | more than 3 years ago | (#36013506)

This is epic...in an extremely awkward and creepy way. It's nice to know that I could always have Courtney Love make out with me without catching the herp.

No, I'm sorry, we already have this video of Courtney Love infecting someone via a radio link. [youtube.com]

Re:WOW (1)

slick7 (1703596) | more than 3 years ago | (#36015288)

This is epic...in an extremely awkward and creepy way. It's nice to know that I could always have Courtney Love make out with me without catching the herp.

That's not a tongue, it's a trap!

I'm going to be rich and famous (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#36012538)

...after I invent a device that allows you to punch people in the face over the Internet.

Re:I'm going to be rich and famous (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#36012754)

niggers

Re:I'm going to be rich and famous (1)

PessimysticRaven (1864010) | more than 3 years ago | (#36013014)

...after I invent a device that allows you to punch people in the face over the Internet.

I will set up a Foundation JUST to research this possibility. Just let me know if you want the checks made out to CASH.

Re:I'm going to be rich and famous (1)

Dogtanian (588974) | more than 3 years ago | (#36013374)

...after I invent a device that allows you to punch people in the face over the Internet.

I will set up a Foundation JUST to research this possibility. Just let me know if you want the checks made out to CASH.

Nah, I think that Hatful of Hollow [bash.org] is really the one that deserves it. :-)

Obligatory Penny Arcade (1)

gknoy (899301) | more than 3 years ago | (#36014066)

I thought he was referring to the obligatory Penny Arcade, iChoke-U: http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2008/8/1/ [penny-arcade.com]

It wasn't until very recently that I encountered the Bash.org quote you mentioned. I'm curious which predates which, but I'm guessing it's the IRC quote rather than the comic.

Re:Obligatory Penny Arcade (1)

rap_dot_com (2081432) | more than 3 years ago | (#36015532)

The bash quote has been around since about 2005-2006 as far as I remember.

Re:I'm going to be rich and famous (1)

hoytak (1148181) | more than 3 years ago | (#36013474)

STAB, dude, STAB. Epic nerd culture reference fail. I hereby condemn you to reading 500 randomly chosen bash.org quotes.

(ref: http://bash.org/?4281 [bash.org] ).

right (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#36012548)

Yeah, this made for kissing... sure. :)

Prior art (1)

Kazymyr (190114) | more than 3 years ago | (#36012550)

Reminds me of F-U-F-Me
http://www.welookdoyou.com/fufme/index.shtml.html

Re:Prior art (1)

Kazymyr (190114) | more than 3 years ago | (#36012570)

Forgot the clicky linky:

FUFMe [welookdoyou.com]

Re:Prior art (1)

MimeticLie (1866406) | more than 3 years ago | (#36013962)

I lol'd so hard when I read the words "corporate intranet".

Thanks for posting that.

Re:Prior art (1)

The Grim Reefer2 (1195989) | more than 3 years ago | (#36014046)

Reminds me of F-U-F-Me
http://www.welookdoyou.com/fufme/index.shtml.html [welookdoyou.com]

That was the first thing I thought of too.

Re:Prior art (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#36015262)

F U, F me
Fing each other ... remotely

Finally (2)

mr1911 (1942298) | more than 3 years ago | (#36012564)

A way for the Slashdot crowd to get a french kiss.

Re:Finally (1)

dmmiller2k (414630) | more than 3 years ago | (#36013040)

A way for the Slashdot crowd to get a french kiss.

Perhaps the only way, for some...

Re:Finally (1)

gadget junkie (618542) | more than 3 years ago | (#36013086)

A way for the Slashdot crowd to get a french kiss.

I use it to mix chemicals in my underground lab, you insensitive clod!!!

Re:Finally (1)

Unkyjar (1148699) | more than 3 years ago | (#36015666)

You use your french kiss to mix chemicals? Kinky.

Biometrics Security Tool? (2)

lancelotlink (958750) | more than 3 years ago | (#36012618)

Could this be used to help identify a user before allowing access to a computer? Iris scan, fingerprint scan THEN you must french kiss your computer juuuust right. Or an updated form of captcha for websites, just thinking...

Re:Biometrics Security Tool? (1)

Jason Levine (196982) | more than 3 years ago | (#36014288)

Didn't Futurama do this? Zapp Branigan needed to pass a "Lip ID scan" and, as he's passionately kissing the scanner, the computer says "Please, no tongue."

A kiss isn't just a kiss.... (2)

johnlcallaway (165670) | more than 3 years ago | (#36012630)

This is a cool way to start prototyping, but a great kiss requires lips *and* tongue *and* a head. All of these parts move together for a truly great kiss.

Of course, then there is the holding and caressing part.

I don't see how any machine could ever be able to replace my wife's kiss. I told her before got married several years ago that I have a rule, no 'quickie' kisses allowed. Either kiss, or don't kiss. Perfunctory pecks are not acceptable. Each one is different and unique, and deserves to be savored.

Re:A kiss isn't just a kiss.... (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#36012818)

I don't see how any machine could ever be able to replace my wife's kiss.

Me neither.

Re:A kiss isn't just a kiss.... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#36013002)

Yeah, I like the way she spasms her body as I drill her in the anus.

Re:A kiss isn't just a kiss.... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#36013672)

Yep, me neither. His wife kisses pretty good.

Re:A kiss isn't just a kiss.... (2)

hedwards (940851) | more than 3 years ago | (#36013148)

More than that, there's saliva and hormones involved. Part of why humans kiss is to transfer those fluids. Otherwise, why bother with open mouth kisses? Considering how many things can be transferred like that I doubt we'd be doing it if there wasn't a reason. I mean most other animals don't kiss.

Re:A kiss isn't just a kiss.... (2)

shadowrat (1069614) | more than 3 years ago | (#36013460)

animals kissing [flickr.com] (completely not goatse or anything)

Re:A kiss isn't just a kiss.... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#36014396)

George: Uh, Mr. President, Sir. People are becoming a bit... confused by the way your and your opponent are, well, constantly holding hands.
Kang: We are merely exchanging long protein strings. If you can think of a simpler way, I'd like to hear it.

http://www.snpp.com/episodes/4F02.html

Re:A kiss isn't just a kiss.... (1)

StikyPad (445176) | more than 3 years ago | (#36013476)

I had a similar rule about sex, but my wife vetoed it.

Not directly, mind you, just by consistently opting for the alternative of not having sex at all.

Re:A kiss isn't just a kiss.... (1)

Hognoxious (631665) | more than 3 years ago | (#36015340)

Yeah, his wife did the same to me. And yours.

Re:A kiss isn't just a kiss.... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#36015850)

over controlling and creepy on a different axis...

Speech Therapy (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#36012650)

Am I the only person that can see through the juvenile novelty of kissing? This could have all sorts of positive implications for speech therapy

Re:Speech Therapy (1)

hedwards (940851) | more than 3 years ago | (#36013182)

Not really, that kind of a device would have to be a lot more complicated. Plus, this sort of thing is going to block airflow, making any applications in speech therapy pretty useless.

In their mouth? (2)

PPH (736903) | more than 3 years ago | (#36012652)

records your tongue's movements and then sends that information to a corresponding machine in your partner's mouth.

Are you sure that's where they've put their receiver?

On a more serious note: This appears to have been invented by a geek resident in their mom's basement. Anyone who knows about kissing (particularly the French kind) knows about the importance of feedback and the need to modify one's tongue behavior to it in real time.

Re:In their mouth? (2)

Mr Z (6791) | more than 3 years ago | (#36013024)

You didn't watch the video, or if you did, you didn't read all the subtitles. Both sides have a motor and sensors. The sensor system tries to keep both boxes in sync, so if one side tries to move in a particular direction and the other side resists, then the unit will resist. There *is* a feedback path.

Now the real "that ain't a kiss" problem is that it only lets you make a specific set circular motions with your tongue, and lets face it, tongues and mouths are a bit more complicated than that, and kisses involve a lot more than what this device measures.

Re:In their mouth? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#36013400)

On another note: this does not even have to be considered kiss at all, it's just a new way of remote interaction that involves some physical sensations. It could be unthinkable how one may compare it with anything done with a partner in real life, no matter how it may improve. But for people who have never had a life, and who probably won't get any for a long time, it could still be light years better.

Then behold, before you know it, the emulation of physical interaction could be advertising beyond common human experiences. (No, I'm not talking about multiple robotic fists controlled by a single person, that punch people across the Internet from multiple directions at the same time.) Would those turn into anything 'nice'? Not necessarily. Would those ever get a market? They actually might.

After all, if anyone would rather kiss a rotating straw in the basement than going outside, it's the behavioral path they choose. That's just evolution. If they never find a real partner and die out due to incompetence, then nature selected against them. But somehow I have a feeling that preserving as many different kinds of people as possible, for a chance to survive all the most unexpected conditions, has always been the way of nature.

Re:In their mouth? (2)

PPH (736903) | more than 3 years ago | (#36015692)

No, I'm not talking about multiple robotic fists controlled by a single person, that punch people across the Internet from multiple directions at the same time.

This could make the Slashdot moderation system more interesting.

teledildonics (4, Funny)

circletimessquare (444983) | more than 3 years ago | (#36012670)

my favorite underutilized internet term

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teledildonics [wikipedia.org]

were you to invent a transport protocol for teledildonics, you better call it PPintheTP, i don't care how you arrive at the abbreviation

Re:teledildonics (1)

bipbop (1144919) | more than 3 years ago | (#36013050)

I was hoping no one had post this word yet. I was hoping to reply with "A natural extension of teledildonics!"

Re:teledildonics (1)

Have Brain Will Rent (1031664) | more than 3 years ago | (#36013052)

I heard Nelson speak more than once and I'm pretty sure the term was "psychoacousticteledildonics"...

Underutilized? I utilize it frequently... great icebreaker LOL

Re:teledildonics (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#36013660)

This is to good. . . .

from the wiki link. . . " There also exists a DIY community experimenting with teledildonics, centered on opendildonics.org, the Slashdong blog and the Arse Elektronika conference. "

telesex: the final frontier (1)

smoothnorman (1670542) | more than 3 years ago | (#36012682)

you just know that the perceived economic windfall will eventually hit upon a commercially viable (if physically debilitating) implementation of telesex. oh how the voyeur regulators and social sermonizers will rage upon that day. (just hope i live to see it)

Predicted future news (1)

Even on Slashdot FOE (1870208) | more than 3 years ago | (#36012686)

A famous rock star was sued today by an outraged mother whose daughter played his recording on the Kiss Transmission Device. The mother wants it to be ruled as child molestation and to be awarded infinity plus one dollars as damages for this heinous crime.

latency... (1)

StripedCow (776465) | more than 3 years ago | (#36012692)

Wondering about the "instabilities" caused by latency...

killer french kiss (1)

tortovroddle (1969948) | more than 3 years ago | (#36012712)

I can see a lot of horror movie scenes where people are killed by infected french-kiss devices spinning with more than 2000 rpm. Creepy.

Sad (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#36012756)

Some people are too pathetic for words.

Give Japan a month or so (2)

Drakkenmensch (1255800) | more than 3 years ago | (#36012778)

The University gave no word on the possibility of tentacles in future models.

Seriously. Japan will provide, it's inevitable.

Aaaaaand... (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#36012874)

Only a matter of time until it gets turned into a remote bj machine. I can see it now. 'LIVE girls giving REAL BJs! 5.99 per minute!'

In the mouth? (1)

Have Brain Will Rent (1031664) | more than 3 years ago | (#36012942)

In the mouth.... riiiight... uh huh, yep, that's where it will be... uh huh

Re:In the mouth? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#36013998)

imagine... your friend comes over to "try it out" it while you are gone... you will never touch it again.

In other news a new version of Chat Roulette was.. (1)

Assmasher (456699) | more than 3 years ago | (#36012976)

...released today...

People have been doing things like this for years relating research into teledildonics (seriously, I'm not making that word up) but nobody has ever wanted to be the new Larry Flynt despite the obvious huge money making opportunities for someone willing to manufacture and deploy the specialized hardware.

Re:In other news a new version of Chat Roulette wa (1)

brainboyz (114458) | more than 3 years ago | (#36014252)

The reputation isn't the problem. The problem is the equipment is expensive. There is at least one teledildonics service in place, but last I saw the equipment was $90 in the bargain bin and requires a $20/month service fee to utilize their servers. It's just not all that popular.

Now, when someone can figure out a $50 toy, or $100 toy set that you can use without putting your credit card into a monthly service fee database then you'll have a teledildonics millionaire.

Re:In other news a new version of Chat Roulette wa (1)

Assmasher (456699) | more than 3 years ago | (#36014356)

Actually, there are tens of thousands of force feedback capable joysticks that could have molded replacements for the joystick itself and sold for bargain basement prices.

Ignoring the reputation issues, I'm shocked someone hasn't done all of this back when DirectInput started supporting Force Feedback. It's simple.

Give me some tongue HAL (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#36013012)

I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that..... oh wait...

This reminds me... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#36013034)

Anyone remember the old FUFME website? I'm certain the product was a joke, but it can still be found if you google it. (NSFW so I'm not linking it here). This product immediately brought it to mind, as it was a similar idea, except a little more intimate in nature, so to speak.

Are you sure it's a "kiss" device? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#36013042)

With that hollow tube sticking out, it looks more like a really good "kiss" could lead to a mouth full of cream.

No. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#36013088)

No, this does not let you "french kiss over the internet". It lets you wiggle a small angled stick over the internet.

OMG (1)

Aighearach (97333) | more than 3 years ago | (#36013106)

Natalie Portman is so hott!

What, no loopback jokes? (1)

kelzer (83087) | more than 3 years ago | (#36013166)

In the olden days of Slashdot, there would have also been something about a Beowulf cluster of these. Ah, the good old days.

Not so obvious to me (1)

osgeek (239988) | more than 3 years ago | (#36013220)

So many ideas these days are really commonplace, but their execution and timing are key.

This whole french kissing over IP is really novel and surprised me.

Kudos to the inventor.

Oh, and can I get it with a Thunderbolt(tm) interface? I'll need that and a serious upgrade to my internet connection to properly sample my high speed tongue rate. Line up, ladies.

Wot? That's it? (1)

Jawnn (445279) | more than 3 years ago | (#36013250)

A bent plastic tube on a spindle, that you spin round with your tongue, making a similar rig at the other end of the wire spin similarly? Wow. That's some invention, if you're 13 years old, and think French kissing is cool enough to... replicate (and I use that term with the utmost generosity).

Re:Wot? That's it? (1)

buybuydandavis (644487) | more than 3 years ago | (#36014310)

Bent stick with 1 degree of freedom controlled by another bent stick with 1 degree of freedom. And it's done over the internet! Wowza!

Clearly the moderators don't look farther than the titles of articles.

Feels nothing like a kiss (2)

denshao2 (1515775) | more than 3 years ago | (#36013260)

A rotating straw does not feel anything like a kiss. I assume that nobody involved in this project has ever really kissed before.

looks more like felatio over the Internet (1)

roman_mir (125474) | more than 3 years ago | (#36013504)

this looks more like a tiny cock is being swirled around the guy's mouth rather than tiny tongue. It looks strange at best.

He should put some money into designing an anatomically correct, dynamic mouth replica for this, not toy around with a straw.

Re:looks more like felatio over the Internet (1)

edawstwin (242027) | more than 3 years ago | (#36013624)

this looks more like a tiny cock is being swirled around the guy's mouth rather than tiny tongue.

We all see what we want to see!

Re:looks more like felatio over the Internet (1)

roman_mir (125474) | more than 3 years ago | (#36013710)

Yes, I want to see this guy suck the tiniest cock on the Internet. Pffft. Isn't there a website for that, which is not /.?

Stuxnet (1)

snsh (968808) | more than 3 years ago | (#36013706)

Imagine what happens when Stuxnet hits the device. The engineers working in Iran's nuclear program will all get dumped by their online girlfriends out of frustration.

This is how you spread computer viruses! (1)

wiredog (43288) | more than 3 years ago | (#36013814)

Oh come on, it's the obvious joke.

What about the old ones? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#36013860)

Cthulhu demands a tentacle option for proper kissing.

Fixed that title for ya (1)

handy_vandal (606174) | more than 3 years ago | (#36013950)

Robotic "Tongue" Lets Other People French Kiss Over The Internet.

The FSM is prolly disapointed, but... (1)

phly1x (1286846) | more than 3 years ago | (#36013958)

"The University gave no word on the possibility of tentacles in future models." i know i am not the only one who read this as '...TESTICLES in future...'

Obvious next step (1)

Brucelet (1857158) | more than 3 years ago | (#36014162)

What happens when this gets combined with chatroulette?

Combine this with ChatRoulette (2)

Jason Levine (196982) | more than 3 years ago | (#36014234)

You know someone's going to come out with this: A ChatRoulette-French-Kissing-Over-The-Internet application. You get one of these "IP Tongues", sign up, specify whether you'd rather kiss a male or female (or either one) and suddenly you're kissing random people all over the world. Combine this with a "paid pro" feature where you get to "kiss" your favorite celebrities (read: porn stars) and the company could turn an instant profit.

If anyone makes a million dollars using this idea, just toss me a few thousand as thanks. ;-)

one step closer... (1)

Gravis Zero (934156) | more than 3 years ago | (#36014398)

to punching people over the internet.

My question has now been answered ... (1)

aklinux (1318095) | more than 3 years ago | (#36014642)

What could possibly be creepier than too wake up and find the Burger King in bed w/ me?

Re:My question has now been answered ... (1)

Sectoid_Dev (232963) | more than 3 years ago | (#36014990)

Seeing on the night stand next to the bed an unused box of condoms and a squeezed empty tube of lube.

Progress (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#36014652)

Mankind has developed didoes, artificial vaginas, vibrators, many kinds of pornography and now a robotic tongue for French kissing. This will soon be adapted for blow jobs and black kisses. I cannot image what wonderful things progress will bring us!

Re:Progress (1)

ElusiveJoe (1716808) | more than 3 years ago | (#36015580)

What is a black kiss?

Am I the only one... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#36014966)

who can't stop wondering how well this would work in other applications? Say... between a pair of legs?

All I can think of is... (1)

thisisauniqueid (825395) | more than 3 years ago | (#36015054)

All I can think of is, how many people on his team work with the same two test devices? Ewwwww..

Uh... future enhancements? (1)

the_one_wesp (1785252) | more than 3 years ago | (#36015148)

the inventor hopes to replicate the sensations of breathing, saliva and taste in a future model.

I would probably focus more on making it FEEL and MOVE like a squishy tongue. That would be the killer enhancement. Still not sure I'd partake... but that'd be the logical direction to go... make it wet and squishy and more flexible.

Finally a fix for Chatroulette! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 3 years ago | (#36015152)

Chatroulette used to be merely weird and creepy, now it can be really horrifying.

So are you going on a second date? (1)

kiehlster (844523) | more than 3 years ago | (#36015916)

I don't know. Making out felt a bit laggy the first night.
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